Healing Mindset

When I Write I Feel More Vulnerable

It’s true! It’s just like talking to a huge crowd of people. People will hear exactly what you think, your motives, your true intentions. 

(main image from www.pixabay.com, John Iglar)

Is it because I was raised with the philosophy that when you speak up everyone will know that you are the fool that they thought you were? Totally paraphrased from:

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” Attributed to Abraham Lincoln in Golden Book, Nov. 1931

Of all the people to say this! He is one of the greatest speakers of all time. 

Can we really talk about this? I embraced this sentiment when I was young, it made total sense. I thought to myself, “well, who wants to be thought of as a fool?! Not me!” Especially because I felt even more vulnerable when I was the new kid in town just about every year of my life. (Another story)

I know that in actuality it was probably meant to express a feeling of humor, a sense of wisdom for watching your words, of being mindful of the fact that you are truly opening yourself up to the world. 

So if I think about it, it makes sense to feel vulnerable about being vocal or writing my thoughts (like this exact medium).

Let’s talk about not being allowed to write or speak, however. This is what actually is affecting my life moments when I make the fractional momentary decision of whether to say something or not. 

Today I was noticing when I was talking on the phone with someone who I was having a really tough time communicating what I needed to know. It seemed that I had to keep backing up the conversation to the bare roots essential questions: “Why did you charge us so much?” I could feel myself holding back the questions and thoughts that were possibly not very helpful in the conversation. 

At this time in my life I’ve been hearing myself talk to people almost like I’m a third party listening in lately. It’s bizarre. I think it’s all a part of my growth as a human being learning how to best take care of myself. So I’ll have these thoughts like, “Is that how I really sound? Does my voice sound like that ALL the time? Do I sound like a dork? Hm I actually have a good point there… hey, wait to see what he/she says!”

So, writing today is vulnerable in my writing about all that I have on my mind about writing itself. For my current project (NaNoWriMo 2022) I have written down so many topics that I want to talk to you about this month. I am super excited about it! Actually my guides are also super stoked to be able to be channeled so much more than usual.

Over the past few years, I would say since the 2016 summer related to the elections here in the United States, we have had a massive shift in communicating to each other. I feel like the best graphic I could represent this time is this:

(www.pixabay.com, Gerd Altmann)

And so, in many conversations I have observed myself and in the world, there is major difficulty in any kind of agreement, let alone just the ability to not get so triggered and maybe breathe. I’m not here to talk about the topics of these discussions as I am so beyond wanting to talk about it. 

I’ve been listening now a lot. I haven’t changed my position in how I feel about the state of things, it’s just that I know when I would be willing to share my thoughts on it all. Most of the time out there, it’s not worth it. But I do stand up for myself and my daughter, our rights and things that we require to remain “sovereign” (see my last blog post about a discussion about feeling sovereign).

That’s actually how I think the state of it all has come about: No more talk, let’s just DO, let’s just make things right and if it won’t change things to argue about it, let’s just do what’s best for each of us. I’m still trying to figure out WHERE justice will prevail, WHERE it is I need to speak my mind, hold up the mirror to others who don’t even see what they’re doing or saying (I don’t think that is my job here anyway.) 

This is my best avenue. My blog, my space, my world, my understanding, and certainly my experiences. I have a lot of insight that I simply won’t share with others when it isn’t worth it, for real. It’s the best thing I’ve evolved into lately. I’m a Pisces, so being a peacemaker is in my nature already. 

My voice about having some answers for some of the world issues feels very strong. I just haven’t had the exact platform in which to share it. So it feels vulnerable because this is my core being, who I am and what I’m supposed to do on this earth.

I talk a lot lately about the state of things. Certainly in my world there’s plenty of circus type of environments that exist and circle around me. It’s quite entertaining and humorous to be honest. It’s non-judgemental also. I don’t actually involve myself in it if I don’t have to. It’s really refreshing.

Last thing I think I will discuss is our voice on social media. I have had my account on Instagram (my old one) frozen for no reason. (my new one is http://www.instagram.com/earthmommaofficial)  I only posted artwork, nothing political, maybe videos of me saying hello and being pretty on my walks at work. I used some hashtags that I guess were too much for them, that were targeted by that mega corporation to be controversial. That’s it. No answers, no responses when I clicked on “dispute please”. 

My voice was silenced on Twitter. I had an account that I was retweeting many different people who they didn’t like, I guess, so they suspended me. So when I opened another account with one of my other emails, they “Permanently Suspended” me. 

With the new owner just recently coming on board, I have disputed it again just for curiosity. We shall see but I actually don’t even care about that website anyway anymore. It’s been a few years now without them, thank you very much.

I certainly know my battles and those aren’t mine. I bring my voice here and speak on other sites like LinkedIn, Facebook, Alignable, my podcast and others. It’s enough. 

I’m curious how you manage the vulnerability in your own life when you write or speak. I loved the time I spent in Toastmasters (not long) and I felt great strength in their teachings. When I hear great speakers out there I almost don’t care what they are talking about and I marvel at their style and confidence.

Some points I hold when it comes to speaking or writing:

  1. It’s so important to hold what’s dear to us close as I still do in my current style and public presence. 
  2. I hold sacred the confidential information that I know about people around me.
  3. I am true to myself and my beliefs.
  4. My vulnerabilities are personal, have NOTHING to do with anyone else or who I’m speaking to. Things might feel triggered and I want to always look at those situations to help me grow.
  5. I take responsibility for being as honest with myself as well as others.
  6. I think that’s good enough for now. I choose to grow from my writings and allow myself to not be anywhere near perfect. I will probably look back at writings in a few years and think “wow! I have grown so much since then.” and also “I am so glad I did that. I wrote to simply write for the things I know and how I can help others.”

About how I feel the best approach is to talk to people right now (and since 2016): 

I’m respecting people’s positions whether I agree with them or not (and whether I want to have them in my life)

If the other person is attempting to barrage me with their belief system, I move on.

I come at people with my “healing self”. How can I help? 

It’s freeing. I am in a great space of where I want to be, who I am and who I want along for the ride. Life certainly isn’t easy but I’m keeping it as simple as possible. 

Yes, there’s a vulnerability but I don’t allow myself to be consumed with it, nor consumed by another person’s ability to attack me at the core if I let them. In fact, if I show them a part of me that I’m vulnerable they often reflect back the same sentiment and we can be on an even level of understanding. That’s great communication and I love that. 

Last thing, the definition of vulnerable from dictionary.com:


capable of or susceptible to being attacked, damaged, or hurt:

a vulnerable part of the body;

vulnerable to predators;

a company vulnerable to a hostile takeover.

open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.:

That is an argument vulnerable to refutation.

He is vulnerable to bribery.

(of a place) open to assault; difficult to defend:

a vulnerable bridge.

willing to show emotion or to allow one’s weaknesses to be seen or known:

Men and boys are rarely seen as vulnerable.

(of a person or population) needing supportive or protective social services and community resources because of advanced age, poverty, disability, etc.

I encourage you to know your vulnerabilities and then use that to strengthen and empower that which will protect those parts of yourself which are vulnerable.

Have a beautiful day, my friend! 

–Earth Momma

You may also like