Written and posted by Jackie Olmstead, Monday, June 30, 2024 – Hey, I could say that I have tips for all single parents but… I’m not a single dad nor will I ever have that experience! I’m sure, however, that some of you dads could potentially benefit from my tips as well.
I became a single mom in July 2012 when I left my marriage of 6½ years. My daughter was 3 and it was the middle of summer, not the best time to do a move. Is there ever a “good time for divorce?)
The main thing is, that I didn’t know what “adventure” I was heading into but that’s exactly what I said to my daughter after strapping her into her carseat, dogs in the back, suitcases stuffed into my SUV: “We’re going on an adventure, honey!” I said with a smile as we followed the moving truck to our new apartment..
I didn’t want her to see into the side of me that was super angry and a bit scared all wrapped up in me.
Work Challenges
At the time, you might remember that we were in a recession. I had already had challenges finding more work than I already had. Finding work in the area in my past expertise with art direction and graphic design wasn’t happening for about two years of searching.
I was working part-time at my former real estate broker’s office for one of my friends. Little did I know that the work would actually decrease and I would need to find something else. I was entering into a binding apartment lease not too far away from the house my daughter was growing up in.
So, finances were already a challenge and they were about to get even harder. I had to get more humble than I was comfortable with.
Sex and Love?
Getting into another relationship right away added an amazing positive benefit to me personally as a woman, but then it became NOT a benefit. Let’s just say for now that I learned a massive amount of information and insight into myself and I don’t regret that experience.
If I hadn’t partnered with that person, I would not have learned how I truly felt after leaving my husband and what I needed to heal from BOTH relationships. I’m still learning about myself and how I am in relationships but that’s another topic for another post!
My Family
I didn’t have any local family. They all lived on the east coast of the US and no, they were not people I could “go to” to ask for help, although my father did end up helping me some during those times, but it was mostly emotional. I am most grateful for anyone around me during those days as I learned a lot about being a single parent and also what is out there to help when you need it.
I recently did an interview with a friend of mine talking about being a single mom and with that talk I came up with some really strong and powerful tips for you, momma. I understand what the situation can be like.
Every momma’s reason for getting into this circumstance is different but I can tell you that either choosing it or not choosing it is still important to ponder as you look at the fact, the feelings around it and know that you are not a victim.
You are definitely not alone and there are many women and resources out there to support this journey you are on with your kids.
You might even feel that you are in this situation even if you have a partner but you don’t have the support you might need around being a mom.
Powerful Words for You
- For whatever situation got you here, know that you and the kids are going to be ok. Seek your own peace & grounding with your own self-care, meditation, journaling. I know you probably have NO time. One moment where you can scoop up some time is when you are in the bathroom or tub… washing dishes can even feel like Zen if you focus on washing one plate at a time, like Alan Watts talked about.
- Seek help with the kids even if you think you don’t need it. Remember that it “takes a village” to raise a child, even when you have a partner.
- Talk to your kids through the whole thing. Share with them your wisdom, hopes & desires so that they feel like they are on board with it. (but NOT seek their therapy) They need to know that you are human and care about how they feel. Encourage them to talk to you ANYTIME they need it.
- Figure out what you need to learn so that you can function: Financial knowledge, cooking, parenting and get local and find support AND seek support online as there are many groups to join with other single moms.
- Who is already around you that can help you? Do your kids have any grandparents or great grandparents? Do you have church members or clergy? Friends? Work friends? (take inventory)
Resources that I Found Extremely Valuable:
- The government. Yes, there are food stamps (now called different things), WIC (Women, Infants Children), welfare and certainly more programs to help support you. I recruited ALL these options for myself so that my daughter and I would not become homeless nor go hungry. Check your state or city resources.
- MOMS Club International. (https://momsclub.org/) I joined that group back when my daughter was an infant and they supported me emotionally and with child care and social events all through it all. I am still great friends with the moms I met in this organization.
- The internet. Social media, online support groups, YouTube for learning ANYTHING. If you don’t have internet at home, go to the library. There are lots of cool events at your local library as well.
I hope this short post reaches you if you needed to hear that you are not alone, nor that you are hopeless. There is no reason to give up hope and I send you much love, momma.
Reach out to me if you would like. I am still a single mom and I support parents and their kids out there. One of the gigs I do part time is tutoring kids in schoolwork and I enjoy it very much. Healing starts with mom and the kids need healing too. Challenges turn up in schoolwork, challenges with school etc.
Namaste!
